So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize