he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
