Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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