how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
