I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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