at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
