i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
