While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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