White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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