There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you didnt know i had herpes?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
