We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
