I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
