I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
