I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
