I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
being pregnant is like rehab
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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