i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize