I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
