i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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