My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize