look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize