the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
