I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
