She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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