Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
