I will die if light touches me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
