I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
