What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
