He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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