and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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