Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
