so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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