:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
