really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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