hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
