Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
