I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
