I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
