trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
