Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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