just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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