i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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