Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
