GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Shame - the story of my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
