Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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