How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
