That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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