i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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