Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
