so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
