I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
