Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize