And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
