He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
