So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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