I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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