Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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