I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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