did you get engaged???
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize