I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
