you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
