So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
