Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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