Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
