With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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