fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize