Will you blow on my dice?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
