i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
