Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you win again, gameday.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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