Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
