Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
