um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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