Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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