ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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