I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
