She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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