I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
two words: eviction party
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
