I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
