mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
