Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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