we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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