He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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