I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
soo... how was my night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
