I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
