Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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