I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize