No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
