Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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