i just wanna soil my oats bro
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
