marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
