Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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