i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
