matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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