based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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