Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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