The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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